Become the Most Important Team Leader at an IEP Meeting

Does the IEP process scare you?   Individual Education Plans, teachers, negotiations and meetings can feel so intimidating to parents with special needs children.  It does not have to be so scary or so overwhelming, I promise!  We already sense deep down that we are our child’s best advocates and we are not wrong.  As parents we are always going to know our children better than anyone else ever will.  Moms and Dads are always going to be the best resource any kid can have.  However, the teachers, the schools, the meetings do not need to frighten us or make us feel as though we have to prove to someone else that we are “qualified” to advocate.  We are team members!  In fact, we are the most important team members of all.  

Negotiating is undoubtedly going to occur in an IEP meeting.  This doesn’t mean that the teachers do not want to or will not help our kids.  It simply means that there is a finite amount of money allocated to services for speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, busing and all the other services our children need.  The educators and the administration must advocate for all of the students.  They must make sure that there are enough services for all that need them.  That being said, can the schools hold back on how much time they offer and how many services they provide?  The answer is yes.  Often times, services are not provided as much as we the parents would like them to be. I know that feels scary to come across such opposition, and the denial of services can be interpreted as not caring, but please do not assume that the teachers, especially, do not care.  I have yet to meet a teacher who chose that career because they could make as much money as, say - a baseball player.  I have yet to meet a teacher that just didn’t care about the welfare of children.  I have yet to meet a teacher who, when faced with a shortage of funds for services for my child, just gave up.   

The frustrating truth is, that there simply is not enough money in any school district’s budget to provide all the services our children will need.   What we can do is accept that most of what they will need is going to have to be provided by us, the most important team players of all.  We can take control in several ways and work with the schools to make sure that our children have the best chance possible.  Here area a few suggestions:

Ask for the draft of the IEP in advance of your meeting.  This will allow you to read it over in private.  If you feel emotional about it you can honor yourself and not feel so exposed in public.  Most teachers and administrators are glad to provide a copy in advance.  Read the IEP and determine if you feel comfortable with the results.  If you strongly believe that your child needs more of one service or another, take notes and write them down.  This will help tremendously to minimize your anxiety when you are finally at the IEP meeting and in the best position to advocate for your child.

At the meeting, refer to your list of questions and ask the team members to help you understand how they came to the conclusions and recommendations that they did.  Respect their answers and their knowledge.  They know your child’s capabilities as well, and their perspective is obviously based on what they see in school.  Trust their perspective.  They are the eyes and ears during the day.   But also honor your own instincts and when you have doubts, express them right away, calmly, and with respect. Explain your fears and your doubts.  Then, and this is often the hardest part, have the courage to listen attentively to their responses.  

Ask the team to raise the bar for your child.  Respectively request that they challenge your child’s limitations, as you would naturally do at home.  Ask that these changes be written into the IEP.  When you receive your copy of the modified plan, verify that the changes are there, and then actually check back with the school team to make sure that they are being implemented. 

Ask the teachers what you can do at home to assist them and therefore assist your child.  Are you doing your part to help with the schoolwork, with the speech, with the occupational therapy?  If there is a problem with a teacher specifically, follow protocols and call the Special Education Director.  Discuss your doubts and fears and let them work for you.  

Trust your instincts!  If you feel that the administration is holding out unfairly, believe that you will feel it.  Persevere if you feel that there is not a solid, justifiable reason your child is not being given something you strongly believe he needs.  Question the Administration, not the teachers. 

Above all, remember that you are the most important IEP team member.  Remaining fair and open is vital to establishing a good relationship as an advocate for your child’s education.   Starting any team relationship with a defensive “fear based” attitude is just going to perpetuate your fears.  If you ask for what you need, explain your reasoning and request other’s opinions, everyone feels valued and focused on providing the best education and support they can for your child.  Never ever underestimate the power of respect, kindness, and parental instincts.  You are the most valued team member of all.